Magic Shell

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Exerpt from an Email from Gerald to Danielle:

Pour on the magic ... and the fun ... with Smucker's Magic Shell Topping. This topping magically freezes in seconds on your ice cream to create a candy-coated topping that can be broken and mixed right in with the ice cream. It's a topping that's fun to make ... and fun to break!

what did you expect - spontaneous freezing at room temperature??..

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Unfortunately, that’s exactly what I expected. Being the sheltered person that I am, I had never heard of Smucker’s Magic Shell Topping. I’ve never even seen a commercial for it on television. So when I tried using it on some strawberries a few days ago, it’s no surprise that I was thoroughly confused.

After preparing my strawberries, I was ready to pour on the magic shell. On the front of the bottle, there’s a little sticker that says “Freezes in seconds!” and directs the user to see the back for instructions. I turn it over to the back. The only directions I could find read:

"Magic Shell works best when SHAKEN VERY WELL! TURN BOTTLE UPSIDE DOWN AND SHAKE WELL FOR AT LEAST 30 SECONDS! If Magic Shell does not flow easily from the bottle, run bottle under hot tap water until liquid (2 minutes), shaking occasionally. DO NOT REFRIGERATE. If refrigerated or stored in a cool place, Magic Shell will harden. Store at room temperature."

Nowhere in there does it mention freezing. You'd think that with all those capitalized letters, that they would bother mentioning that fact. So I figured that the stuff was magic, and would freeze by itself – wasn’t that the whole point of its gimmick? Freezes in seconds?

I poured the magic shell all over my strawberries and thought I would see a miraculous transformation in the next few seconds. Much to my disappointment, nothing happened. The chocolate looked just as syrupy as it had when I first poured it out of the bottle. I gave up waiting since it seemed like nothing was going to happen, and I started eating the strawberries with chocolate syrup dripping all over them.

Edwin joined me in the kitchen and I tell him that the magic shell stuff is bogus and doesn’t work.

“Really?” he asked. He reached for the bottle and started reading the directions.
“Yeah, and I followed the directions. Shook the bottle 20 times and everything,” I said.
“And it still looks like this even after you put it in the freezer?” he asked.

Now, wait just a second. The directions never said anything about a freezer. Apparently, I mistook “freezes in seconds” to mean “hardens in seconds.” How was I supposed to know to put the stuff in the freezer? The stuff says it’s MAGIC!

I was in such disbelief that I picked up the phone and called Gerald. All I got was “Of course you have to put it in the freezer! Did you think it was going to freeze on its own?”

I put what's left of the strawberries and chocolate into the freezer, and lo and behold, the chocolate froze.

Boy, do I feel sheepish. Lesson learned. Next time something says it “freezes” it really means that I need to do the freezing.

Psycho Rat

Living in New York City, rats become a common sight. Usually I see them from afar, mostly from the safe height of the subway platform. But last night, I encountered a psychotic rat.

It was after work, and Edwin, my friend Gerald, and I were walking from my apartment to Gerald’s place for dinner. Now, to get from my place to Gerald’s, I have to walk up a street undergoing massive construction. As a result, all sorts of things are getting uncovered – including rats.

As we reached the corner of Wall and William, a rat ran across the sidewalk, attempting to jump into the hole that construction had left in the street. However, in its hurry, the rat ran straight into Gerald’s foot, bounced off slightly dazed, then proceeded to run the rest of the way into the construction site.

Gerald jumped, I screamed, and Edwin started laughing. I never thought I would be the type to scream at a rat, but now I know my true nature. And the rat was scurrying around like it couldn’t see out of one eye.

On the way home, I saw the same rat making its rounds on the same sidewalk corner. Scared, I hurried past the spot. Psycho Rat, I will forever remember you. And so will Gerald, as he can still feel the tingle of your teeny paws on his right foot.