Crying Babies

As a general rule, I like babies. They’re cute, they’re cuddly, they’re miniature, and they don’t talk. But they do cry. So in its entirety, my rule really reads:

I like babies, except when they cry while I’m trying to sleep.

Last night I took a red-eye flight from LAX to JFK, arriving at 6:00 AM EST. While I don’t really enjoy red-eye flights because I like to stay awake and take advantage of my free movie and food, I was excited last night since my dad upgraded me to business class. Bigger seats and free booze, what more could I ask for? I should have asked for a seat as far away from any babies as possible.

As I was flying west to east, the flight was considerably short, weighing in at only 4 hours, 17 minutes. I didn’t find myself tired until the second half of the flight, and burrowed into my giant seat for two hours of sleep.

Of course, it wasn’t that easy. For what felt like the last hour of my nap, all I could hear was a baby wailing in my ear. I was so tired that I slept through it, but it invaded my dreams and made me slightly agitated. This kid was so freakin’ loud that I’m sure the entire plane was awake.

I think, out of courtesy for the other passengers on the plane, that babies should not be allowed on red-eye flights. Now, I am sympathetic to the parents of these crying babies. But I am more sympathetic to passengers like myself. Crying babies ruin things for everyone. They cry, they poop, and they put everyone on the flight in an irritated state of mind.

Not only should babies be prohibited on red-eye flights, but there should be designated “baby flights” so all these crying babies have company. That way, when we are shelling out hundreds of dollars for a plane ticket, there is the option of having a baby-free flight. I can’t even count the number of times I have been stuck next to, behind, or in front of a baby and would have loved to have had this option.

As I write this, I am tired. Very, very tired. Oh, how I long for the day I can fly baby-free!