Sense of Belonging
Why is it that humans (well, most humans) need to feel a sense of belonging? Whether it be to a place, a person, or a group of friends, people have this inherent need to belong. And when a person finds his niche and feels that he has a place in this world, one of the saddest emotions is to feel the loss of that where place he was actually wanted. Or needed. We are such a needy species.
Last night I had a dream. I actually dreamt about Berkeley.
I was in Berkeley with a friend who was going there for the first time. However, in the dream, I was not a real person, more of a ghost watching over this friend. After traveling to Berkeley from Orange County, she was walking around downtown Berkeley alone, exploring the city through a tourist’s eyes. And I could see all the things I thought she was doing wrong – that only a tourist would do in a new city.
Wrong thing #1: Walking around Shattuck and Dwight at midnight, alone.
After finding her way a little more, my friend walked up Dwight towards Unit 2.
Wrong thing #2: Walking on the People’s Park side of the street.
And then after reaching the more student-populated area, I realized that we had no place to sleep that night. This is when I began freaking out. And all of a sudden I was not just a ghostly observer, but instead a real person, traveling with this friend, and we had no bed to sleep in that night. I realized that we were having a conversation. We were arguing about what to do about a place to sleep.
“Just because you know the area doesn’t mean you know the best places to stay,” she said.
Apparently I had been insisting that we go to my old apartment building on Haste and Piedmont, because I was convinced that we would have a place to sleep there. Why I thought that is a mystery, but hey, it’s just a dream.
At this point, I actually eyed People’s Park as another alternative. And then it hit me:
Why didn’t I have a place to stay in Berkeley?
Did I not spend four years of my life here? Where were all the people I once knew? Did I not have a place to stay because I no longer belonged to Berkeley? Where the hell was I from, anyways? Apparently I knew the area, but I didn’t know anyone who lived there anymore.
And now I know why I had this dream. The mobility of people scares me. The idea that a person can just pick up, leave with one suitcase, and move across the country, is frightening.
With the technological revolution, it’s less and less common for people to belong to a place. When people ask me where I’m from, I honestly start stuttering because I’m confused as to what my response should be. I’ve slowly started adjusting to answering with New York, but not without a little nervousness of someone shouting at me, “You’re not a real New Yorker!” and exposing me as a fraud. I even agonized on what I should list as my “Hometown” in my Friendster profile and must have changed it at least three times.
I keep in touch with my group of friends I belonged to through emails and cell phones. With all cell phone plans coming with free long distance calls, it’s not unusual for a New Yorker to have a phone number with an (510) area code. So who knows who is from where anymore.
I now belong to my computer and my cell phone. The conveniences of technology. What a great thing.
Last night I had a dream. I actually dreamt about Berkeley.
I was in Berkeley with a friend who was going there for the first time. However, in the dream, I was not a real person, more of a ghost watching over this friend. After traveling to Berkeley from Orange County, she was walking around downtown Berkeley alone, exploring the city through a tourist’s eyes. And I could see all the things I thought she was doing wrong – that only a tourist would do in a new city.
Wrong thing #1: Walking around Shattuck and Dwight at midnight, alone.
After finding her way a little more, my friend walked up Dwight towards Unit 2.
Wrong thing #2: Walking on the People’s Park side of the street.
And then after reaching the more student-populated area, I realized that we had no place to sleep that night. This is when I began freaking out. And all of a sudden I was not just a ghostly observer, but instead a real person, traveling with this friend, and we had no bed to sleep in that night. I realized that we were having a conversation. We were arguing about what to do about a place to sleep.
“Just because you know the area doesn’t mean you know the best places to stay,” she said.
Apparently I had been insisting that we go to my old apartment building on Haste and Piedmont, because I was convinced that we would have a place to sleep there. Why I thought that is a mystery, but hey, it’s just a dream.
At this point, I actually eyed People’s Park as another alternative. And then it hit me:
Why didn’t I have a place to stay in Berkeley?
Did I not spend four years of my life here? Where were all the people I once knew? Did I not have a place to stay because I no longer belonged to Berkeley? Where the hell was I from, anyways? Apparently I knew the area, but I didn’t know anyone who lived there anymore.
And now I know why I had this dream. The mobility of people scares me. The idea that a person can just pick up, leave with one suitcase, and move across the country, is frightening.
With the technological revolution, it’s less and less common for people to belong to a place. When people ask me where I’m from, I honestly start stuttering because I’m confused as to what my response should be. I’ve slowly started adjusting to answering with New York, but not without a little nervousness of someone shouting at me, “You’re not a real New Yorker!” and exposing me as a fraud. I even agonized on what I should list as my “Hometown” in my Friendster profile and must have changed it at least three times.
I keep in touch with my group of friends I belonged to through emails and cell phones. With all cell phone plans coming with free long distance calls, it’s not unusual for a New Yorker to have a phone number with an (510) area code. So who knows who is from where anymore.
I now belong to my computer and my cell phone. The conveniences of technology. What a great thing.
posted by danielle at 12:46 PM
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