The Unmistakable Smell of Urine
I am convinced that all things wet on the ground are urine. Too many times have I turned street corners to be greeted with the unmistakable smell of urine. I often wonder where all this urine is coming from. Are that many people actually peeing on the street? Doesn’t anyone notice this? It seems that it would be very difficult to not notice someone urinating on the sidewalk.
I was in the subway the other day, and, as is my usual tendency, headed to the very end of the platform in hopes of getting a seat on the train. Unfortunately, I was stopped short of my goal. To my horror, there was a man standing not-quite-concealed behind the last column of the platform taking a whizz. I stared at what I was looking at. No, it couldn’t be. I shook my head in amazement. And then I’m sure my eyes got even wider when I saw proof undeniable: a thin, arching stream of liquid, spewing at waist-level from the other side of the column the man was hiding behind, and onto the train tracks. Evidence to confirm my initial assumption that this man was relieving himself in the 33rd Street subway station.
Did he really think no one else would see this? How could this go unnoticed by anyone but me? I looked around quickly and saw two girls standing relatively close to me, but engrossed in conversation. Apparently I was the only one that noticed what this man was doing. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
What is it with men who feel they can relieve themselves anywhere they please?
Yes, it’s a widely known fact that all a man has to do to urinate is unzip and let loose. Unfortunately, things aren’t so easy for us women, especially faced with a public restroom. Most women just don’t enjoy “sitting” where hundreds of women before them have sat (although I can think of many dirty ones who do). These women actually opt not to completely sit when doing nature’s bidding. This is what I fondly call the “hover technique”. Sounds simple enough: simply hover over the toilet and go. However, the hover technique is one of the hardest things to perfect. Even seasoned veterans of the hover technique can still suffer setbacks, like too-small stalls (which do not lend themselves to the space necessary to hover) or off-balance days – disastrous to women who are in the midst of hovering. And for those novices, things can be even more challenging. Trying to find the right angle at which to hover or the perfect speed at which to let go – not things that can be picked up overnight.
So, needless to say, it is very unlikely that the urine I often smell on the street comes from a woman. Given the amount of clothing that must be removed, as well as the physical position it would necessitate, the instance when it does originate from a woman must be very rare indeed. And now, I am positive where the smell I smell comes from and why it is there. I know that I am not neurotic to step around all puddles and streams of liquid I see on the sidewalks of the city, or to warn all my friends to do the same and tell them it’s all pee-pee.
Ahhh. The unmistakable smell of urine. How I do not long to smell thee again.
I was in the subway the other day, and, as is my usual tendency, headed to the very end of the platform in hopes of getting a seat on the train. Unfortunately, I was stopped short of my goal. To my horror, there was a man standing not-quite-concealed behind the last column of the platform taking a whizz. I stared at what I was looking at. No, it couldn’t be. I shook my head in amazement. And then I’m sure my eyes got even wider when I saw proof undeniable: a thin, arching stream of liquid, spewing at waist-level from the other side of the column the man was hiding behind, and onto the train tracks. Evidence to confirm my initial assumption that this man was relieving himself in the 33rd Street subway station.
Did he really think no one else would see this? How could this go unnoticed by anyone but me? I looked around quickly and saw two girls standing relatively close to me, but engrossed in conversation. Apparently I was the only one that noticed what this man was doing. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
What is it with men who feel they can relieve themselves anywhere they please?
Yes, it’s a widely known fact that all a man has to do to urinate is unzip and let loose. Unfortunately, things aren’t so easy for us women, especially faced with a public restroom. Most women just don’t enjoy “sitting” where hundreds of women before them have sat (although I can think of many dirty ones who do). These women actually opt not to completely sit when doing nature’s bidding. This is what I fondly call the “hover technique”. Sounds simple enough: simply hover over the toilet and go. However, the hover technique is one of the hardest things to perfect. Even seasoned veterans of the hover technique can still suffer setbacks, like too-small stalls (which do not lend themselves to the space necessary to hover) or off-balance days – disastrous to women who are in the midst of hovering. And for those novices, things can be even more challenging. Trying to find the right angle at which to hover or the perfect speed at which to let go – not things that can be picked up overnight.
So, needless to say, it is very unlikely that the urine I often smell on the street comes from a woman. Given the amount of clothing that must be removed, as well as the physical position it would necessitate, the instance when it does originate from a woman must be very rare indeed. And now, I am positive where the smell I smell comes from and why it is there. I know that I am not neurotic to step around all puddles and streams of liquid I see on the sidewalks of the city, or to warn all my friends to do the same and tell them it’s all pee-pee.
Ahhh. The unmistakable smell of urine. How I do not long to smell thee again.
posted by danielle at 12:35 PM
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